Maybe an F-350 (if the Chevy looked bad)

This'a gonna confuse all you Brotherners...

She gave this one the ole' Van Gogh…

Article on this Calgarian artist: Serena Malyon.

Rat Stew

Should rats happen to be troubling your well-being, here is an ingenious formula for inducing death: Mix equal parts cement and flour, conveniently placing a pan of water next to this powder. You may regard this as "pansy-ass" – because you're young & ignorant and haven't yet grasped the subtleties of Total Pest Warfare - but it requires fanatical dedication. You might mix oodles of this stuff, applying it with the enthusiasm of General McNamara "Agent-Oranging" the Mekong Delta.



A few extra doses here and there: under sinks; near that hole under the kitchen cabinets; beneath bathtub crawl spaces. Hell, fill your damned house to a depth of one foot with the stuff (entirely unnecessary). The little bastards will die piteously, I promise, after eating cemented flour. Sufficiently drunk with water, by the next morning their bowels have turned to concrete.

Sadistic, eh? I knew you'd love it.

What's the best way to kill cockroaches?

July 15, 1983

Dear Cecil:

I'm tired of Roach Motels, Baygon, boric acid and other pansy-ass roach killers. I want a recipe for some stuff they will eat gladly and die of quickly. I have no kids or pets to worry about. I don't care if the active ingredient is a little dangerous to handle, or hard (even illegal) to get. I want the little suckers dead. What will do it?

— Hayden J., Chicago

Dear Hayden:

Calm yourself and pay attention to your Uncle Cecil. There are two proven approaches to dealing with la cucaracha: (1) borax, and (2) arson. Assuming your landlord objects to the latter line of attack, hie yourself down to the basement and mix up the following recipe: 4 parts borax, 2 parts flour, and 1 part cocoa powder.

Now, you may regard borax as "pansy-ass," but that's because you're young and ignorant and haven't yet grasped the subtleties of Total Insect Warfare, which requires fanatical dedication. You must mix up oodles of this stuff and apply it with the enthusiasm of Robert S. McNamara dumping Agent Orange on the Mekong Delta. Pour it in a continuous line along the walls. Put an extra dose under sinks and around kitchen cabinets. Hell, fill your damned house to a depth of one foot with the stuff. The little bastards will die piteously, I promise.

Incidentally, should you also be happen to be troubled by rats, I have here an ingenious formula for inducing rat death: Mix equal parts cement and flour. Place a pan of this powder out next to a pan of water. The rats eat the cement, then they drink the water, and by the next morning their bowels have turned to concrete. Sadistic, eh? I knew you'd love it.

CITE ©1983this reproduction is protected from prosecution via artistic parody statutes